Love no more

A not so ordinary Sunday with family

2012-01-29T23:47:00.003+08:00

It was a last minute decision to head to Sakura for dinner with family=) It was dad's idea, he wanted to go somewhere special to have dinner instead of going to coffeeshop to eat. First time ate at Sakura for buffet though (don't laugh, i know i'm noob) haha. Not bad =)

Not many pics, i only took some.

After that went for a walk at Woodlands Waterfront:) It has been so long since i last went there, like more than 2 years? Haha. Took pictures also, not clear cuz my phone camera seriously cmi... whatever. Went back home at around 10pm or so.

Reunion Dinner 2012

2012-01-22T20:09:00.002+08:00

Had our reunion dinner. This year it is a bit different, mum didn't cook, instead we ordered the 'peng cai' and 'Yu Sheng' from Crystal Jade and had it at home=) Not bad ba.. though it's not that to my taste, but still okay lah.

There's a name to both of it, i don't remember the exact name so. whatever.

The pics are repeating.. so.. er.. not in order also ah

10 jan 2012, i bought my first 4D!

2012-01-10T22:36:00.001+08:00

So as the title says, i bought my very first 4D today! Wish me luck and hope i strike!! hahahaha any prize will do... :D bet on 3 numbers, one of them was given to me by someone, the other two is i anyhow came up with. I was like looking at the 4d paper (?) and looked up and down.. at the numbers, trying to come up with a nice 4digit lol.

okay nothing much to update.. i just want to update on the 4d thingy LOL since it was afterall the FIRST time i bought it since the legal age of 18.. now i am like 20 already.. finally bought it muahahahaha hope got luck>.< eh, why am i keep repeating about the luck thingy?? well well, ignore this part!! i gonna check 4D tomorrow! must check! with eyes open big big! hahas..

It's Monday Again

2012-01-09T23:28:00.001+08:00

Did the above just now, out of boredom. I'm still learning to use GIMP. I know i did mention about trying to learn to use of GIMP but in the end i failed to.. due to laziness and was not determined enough. This time i will be more determined. :)

Nothing much to update.. every day is a boring day. Soon gonna hit the pillow once again and tomorrow is another day...

Nowadays my mind is thinking of the negatives.. can't help it. :( trying to hang on.. can't emo much in here >.< if there's a need to, will emo at the community blog instead.

1/1/2012

2012-01-01T23:11:00.002+08:00

First day of a brand new year. Before this day ends, just wanna say Happy Birthday to someone=) someone who used to mean to me, but is no longer important to me now (i guess). Happy birthday to you, hope you will be happy always (know you will always be happy, since you're a happy go lucky person)

last day of 2011

2011-12-31T17:47:00.001+08:00

Before this year comes to an end, let me post one last time for the year.

It's gonna be an emo post. Super duper emo.. if you don't wanna be affected by me, please don't read. And it's not gonna be a long post.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Okay. So i just feel like dying. I cannot take it already. Stopped my medication again after experiencing the super skin sensitivity that's totally crazy. I couldn't take it, it's (face) too sensitive! And what's the outcome for not taking the medication? Face became worse, super bad. I don't even wish to look at the mirror already... Super depressed till i would think of dying every single day, every single hour. The word 'die' never leave my mind. I've yet to plan though.. maybe soon enough. You would think i'm such a coward for wanting to die just to escape from the harsh reality and that i should have instead come to terms with the fact and learn to accept it. It's not easy Do you know? Wait till you're in the same situation as me then if you still are able to tell me to accept the fact, i would gladly do so. But the thing is, no one understands how i'm feeling. You think it's such a 'pleasure' to look in the mirror and see your face looking so sickening? You think it's funny every where i go i would look at the mirror? You fucking think it's funny? You come and laugh at me in the face, i sure will slap you hard. I'm in no mood to joke already. This is not a matter to be joked. So don't fucking tell me this and that when no one truly understands.

I'm so tired already, mentally. I can't think straight already. Every single day trying to hold on for the few ones who love me... other than that, i'm really tired... i feel like letting go already... crying doesn't help. it doesn't help le

Xmas 2011

2011-12-26T13:04:00.001+08:00

Yesterday had an awesome christmas with dearest ying ying ^^ Really felt happy and enjoyed myself =D We should hang out every christmas~ :D

So we went to Orchard :) It was flooding with people, definitely. Started taking pics once we reached there. Thanks to ying ying uploaded it on FB, so i do not have to transfer the photos from my phone to laptop =D Haha =X

Merry Xmas 2011

2011-12-24T12:05:00.000+08:00

This year i received a lot of christmas pressies :) thanks to all my colleagues^_^ very happy when i received it :D I just worked for 3 weeks and i seem to not just receive a lot of presents, but also been having buffets LOL. In just 3weeks after joining, i had 3 buffets LOL. No wonder i kinda lose my figure le.. =| Hais. Never mind. Stop the buffets for now LOL.

So ya.. Hmm what to say.. Today is christmas eve, tomorrow is christmas! Going out with ying ying^_^ can't wait to see her and take lots of awesome pics! I gonna take a lot and if i'm NOT lazy, i will post all the pics here :D

Ohya, i did take pics of the presents i received on thursday, but i lazy transfer the pic from phone and upload it =| the presents received on friday i haven't take any pic yet lol don't intend to cuz lazy haha. But mostly the presents are cute pens, chocolates etc ^^

Sorry for this wordy post due to my laziness.. :P

Lunch at Suki Sushi

2011-12-11T22:42:00.003+08:00

Lol went to eat at Suki Sushi today o.o It was not really what i wanted, but yx wanted to eat sushi so.. =| we were initially at city hall, walking round and round in the shopping centre. We took a very long time before coming to a conclusion on what to eat for lunch. We trained to somerset then. I really hate walking in open spaces cuz i scared of the sun.. there was no sun, but it was quite bright somehow =\ damnnnn i was like so scared -.- next time i should use umbrella, to protect my sensitive skin. Hais =|

First time ate sushi =\ not that nice i guess, was weird dipping the sushi in the soya sauce and eat it. I don't quite like the taste though, so i didn't dip it again after that =|

Didn't take pics of the food we ate.. because =\ i don't know. But i took a pic of all the finished plates and stuff lol. It looks like a lot =\ he really can eat lol.

See? lol

Total was $54. Adult meal. I should have cheated instead, argh. Damn it i don't wanna lie so.. wasted extra money. Next time i WILL lie and get my god damn student meal LOL. I did bring my student card!!! AIYO WHY I SO HONEST LOL.

Took pic of christmas trees at Takishimaya (i think) at orchard and suntec =) lazy upload here go see it on fb instead=)) hahahaha.

Okay sian tomorrow work again FML.

1 week of work

2011-12-10T11:38:00.003+08:00

So as the title says, it has been a week of working already! Time flies~ o.o now aiming for 2weeks and so on=) First week of working is always kinda slack, learning new stuffs and trying to know how to go about doing it. Nothing much actually. I'm still learning.. though i did feel a bit stressed up 'cuz i think i'm quite dumb to familiarize myself with the rules and stuffs.. argh. =/ yesterday i felt stressed up somehow =\ never mind, give me some time to get used to it.. Colleagues were okay i suppose. Need time to be close to them, if possible =| working in here somehow reminded me of the days at RP, i somehow miss some of the colleagues there. Maybe like 1 or 2.
Cuz they were very nice and got along well with me. I'm reminiscing lol. Today shall stay at home and rest~ Yesterday after work went out until like 9+ before i rushed back home to bathe and all these. By the time i can sleep (was waiting for my hair to dry), it was already like 1+am close to 2>< so, i'm very tired now. Might be taking a nap in the late afternoon or something.

Here's a photo i took yesterday, at Bugis. Just ignore the woman in the pic-.- I wanted to retake, but there were like floods of people walking past, i didn't have the damn patience to wait for all these people to get out of the way so hence i didn't retake the pic.

Dinner at Mayim

2011-12-04T12:20:00.006+08:00

Yesterday met up with Yingying^^ for dinner :D It was at Mayim in Northpoint=) Hehe it was my second time at the place=D The first time was maybe a year ago with my family=) How time flies~ i wanna go there again next time! Food was quite nice^^ Some pictures of the food taken:

I don't eat this, neither does she :o wasted it but whatever=D

My wanton noodle soup!=D damn nice^^

Xiao long bao! It is bigger than the previous ones i ate at Lao Pa Sat.

This is what Yingying ate=D

Mango pudding with strawberry on top^^ Nice with the milk added. Apparently i added too much milk on the pudding and it turned out too sweet.. lol but still nice lah

Funny thing that happened. You know the xiao long bao, you should eat it when it's hot, i ate it after i finished up my noodle and ya know what happened? Lol the skin at the top of the bao turned HARD. LOL LMAO. So it turned out not as tasty as it should be... LOL how dumb was i. I should eat it when it's hot-.- Hahahaha so morale of the story is: Eat the xiao long bao while it is hot=) LOL.

So after dinner, we walked around Northpoint. Nothing much to see actually, we just simply walked around. Went to Mini Toons and bought a Mashimaro earpiece for $4 only ^^ I wanted the white one, but only 2 whites left, one of them the box is kinda cracked a little, the other the earpiece is a little dirty so i bought the pink one instead :o Don't fancy pink though but never mind ^^

Which baby are you?

2011-11-28T11:38:00.002+08:00

Which baby are you?

JANUARY BABY
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth. Stubborn.Repost this in 5 mins and you will meet someone new in 8 days that will perfectly balance your personality.

FEBRUARY BABY
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions. Repost this in 5 mins and you will talk to someone new and realize that you are a perfect match.

MARCH BABY
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Observant and assesses others. If you repost this in the next 5 mins, you will meet your new love in 8 days.

APRIL BABY
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous. Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does work well with others. Very confidant. Sensitive. Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and others. Understanding. Fun to be around. Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive. Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and traveling. Systematic. Hot but has brains. If you repost this in 5 mins, a cutie that's caught your eye will introduce themselves and you will realize that you are very much alike in the next 2 days.

MAY BABY
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Shy towards opposite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High-spirited. If you repost this in the next 5 minutes, you will become close to someone you do not speak too much in the next 4 days.

JUNE BABY
You've got the best personality and are an absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make new friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt and more than likely have an a very attractive partner. a wicked hottie. It is also more than likely that you have a massive record collection. You have a great choice in films, and may one day become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck, you've got the looks for it!!! IN the next 6 days you will meet someone that may possibly become one of your closest friends, if you repost this in 5 minutes.

JULY BABY
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Repost this in the next 5 mins and your reputation will boost someway in the next 12 days

AUGUST BABY
Outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on attention. No self-control. Kind hearted. Self-confident. Loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful. Easy to get along with and talk to. Has an "every thing's peachy" attitude. Likes talking and singing. Loves music. Daydreamer. Easily distracted. Hates not being trusted. BIG imagination. Loves to be loved. Hates studying. in need of "that someone". Longs for freedom. Rebellious when withheld or restricted. Lives by "no pain no gain" caring. Always a suspect. Playful. Mysterious. "charming" or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious. Independent. Strong willed. A fighter. Repost in 5 mins and you will meet the love of your life sometime next month.

SEPTEMBER BABY
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have many friends. Enjoys to make love(LOL). Emotional. Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore. Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand(LOLOL). If you do not repost this in the next 5 mins, someone very close to you will become mad at you in the next 8 days.

OCTOBER BABY
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND sexiest of them all. repost this in 5 mins or you will not meet the love of your life for 10 years.

NOVEMBER BABY
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun. Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards your inner and outer beauty and independent personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people easily and very social in a group. Fearless and independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the greatest men are born in this month. If you ever begin a relationship with someone from this month, hold on to them because their one of a kind. Repost in 5 mins & you will excel in a major event coming up sometime this month.

DECEMBER BABY
This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Sensitive

My heart will go on

2011-11-24T12:10:00.003+08:00

I love this song sang by her, i think it's better than the original singer =x well, it's just my own opinion, no offence to Celine Dion.

we'll stay forever this way 'cuz you are safe in my heart and my heart will go on and on..

guess the words

2011-11-10T14:02:00.003+08:00

Haha. I couldn't guess what's the first word though. LOL but i guessed the rest of the words wrongly! HAHAHA oh yeah i'm too dirty minded.. LOL. NO wait, i guessed the second word correctly hahaha :)

My guesses:
2)Random
3)Fuck
4)Penis
5)Pussy
6)Sex

HAHAHA LOL. I LOL when i saw the answers -.-

YOU

2011-11-08T11:14:00.003+08:00

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you are taking me for granted.

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you are using me but i'm not using you.

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you act like you care but you actually don't.

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you rather talk to others than to talk to me.

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you think i'm dumb enough to believe your lies.

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you thought i will die without you.

You, should be kicked away 'cuz you don't deserve my care and concern.

:D

~list of the guys that leave an impact in my life~

2011-11-05T22:30:00.005+08:00

Lol, so as the title says. This post is obviously very random! Cuz i'm too bored =X Hahas.

Hmm, let's start. Let me recall..

(Not in sequence):

1)Hongwei* (2007)
2)Jian Han* (2008)
3)Nicholas (2008)
4)Timothy (2008)
5)Yong Rui (2010)
6)Leslie (2011)
7)Fred* (2011)
8)Jun Hao (2010)
9)Rk* (2011)
10)Mun kit (2004)
11)Ken (2005)
12)Kian Wee (2005)

Okay, can't think of anymore for now.. will add on if i think of any.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, THE ABOVE GUYS ALL I GOT LIKED BEFORE LOL!
Wait, i'm not a flirt ah.. LOL.

The '*' signifies 'VERY IMPORTANT' be it in the past or now.. that's for you to find out, some with * their importance to me EXPIRED liao haha.

The year after the name signifies the year i know them. Some maybe not accurate cuz i can't remember that well. Out of the 10, i'm only in contact with.. 2? LOL LMAO. sian.. and for the 2 is myself to know, you to find out ^_^

sexy and i know it

2011-11-05T21:57:00.004+08:00

LOL. Nice song and erm video is nice too LOL.
My mum was like, shaking her head ahahaha!

I'm officially sick of smsing. I've been smsing from morning till night with 3 people -.- Sick of smsing !

interview~

2011-11-03T16:07:00.006+08:00

ok, no emo post for once.

went for interview at bugis. on train to the destination, i swear i feel like fainting x.x and my back hurts like fuck lor.. don't know why o.o anyways yay i think the interview went quite successfully. and ya, i went to interview with my super cui face (Y). Reached there around 20-25 mins earlier. Filled up the application form and waited for the interviewer to come. She came at around 10.20am and tada the interview started. Lasted till 11am LOL. So long, it's like the longest interview i've ever had thus far. Lol o_o She asked me a lot of questions.. a lot of questions.. and i was asked to ask questions lol which i didn't ask a lot.. well never mind, don't deduct my marks please. >< She told me a lot about the job scopes, the company profile etc o_o i was like, *nod* i see. Lol. Overall did not bad lah, but one thing... i kinda talked in SINGLISH. OMG. -_- i couldn't help it LOL. Sat there for like 40mins, i initially sat in a good posture (straight straight back and all this) became slanted back LOL. Suan man.. butt hurts lmao. Hais, but i used singlish T__T sigh..

After interview, jioed mum for movie and lunch. I was thinking, since i'm already outside, should go enjoy awhile lol. Spent 16$ on movies (i treat my mum XD) the girl selling movie ticket (what's that called?) asked if i'm a student. Lol i said no. I should say 'Ya' LOL then i can save 2$ liao LOL. LOL ahhh dumb me why so honest? -smack myself- My student card still in wallet, lol i can show her if she asks for it BUT.. SIGH NEVER MIND LOL.

Realized causeway point is damn nice already.. the lights are awesome too! SO BRIGHT MAN IT HURTS LOL. I was walking with head down all the way man.. wondering if there're people looking at me thinking "why does this girl keep head down de?" LOL >_> I hate you, lights why you so bright?! LOL.

OH YA OH YA, and you know causeway point de toilet is damn AWESOME? IT LOOKS SO NICE LAH.. LIKE SO.. ER PROFESSIONAL YOU KNOW, THE COLORS THE LIGHTS (DAMN BRIGHT) inside every cubicle there's like a stupid white lamp on top -_- just like those i saw in hotel OMG

After that home-ed. And here i am typing this away. Tired man , woke up at 7 -_- my eyes were -_- serious! i couldn't open my eyes -_-

feet hurts all thanks to the formal shoes~

just ate soon kueh, OMG LAH SO NICE.

I think i gonna go back to doctor.. for my antibiotics Oh yeah baby, in the end i still need you in my life -_- screw you and i ba~

_|_

2011-11-02T12:15:00.004+08:00

I'm tired of fighting this shit. Seriously. I hate the coming back of this flare up again and again! How many times do you have to keep come back?? I'm tired already laaaa ccb -_- I hate to scold vulgarities but you left me with no choice! Stupid shitttt -__- omg i'm living such a FUCKED UP life all thanks to you, face! cb leh, you make me avoid the lights and sun like a human seeing ghost like that. I'm not exaggerating, it's real! Fucked up, fucked up! Maybe i should just go back to the med and eat till i die... -_- ahhhh i don't know lah ccb -_-

fuck u fuck u fuck u! -_- testing my patience.
don't force me go jump sea/building.
don't think i don't dare-_-

Don't laugh, don't think it's funny. I'm fucking serious right now.
Laugh me, i will crash you into pieces-_-
wait till you're in my shoes THEN you will know what i'm feeling right NOW

-

2011-10-27T14:50:00.003+08:00

-_- Excuses, excuses..
i realized i starting to hate people more and more.. not trying to refer to anyone in particular, just wanna say this out.

don't, and i mean don't take me for granted. because, i can fucking sense it and once i sense it, you're out of my life.

---------------
argh, i'm like a bit ki siao leh. shyt omggggg what's wrongggg.
sianzzz. haisss.

again.

2011-10-25T16:53:00.005+08:00

haiz.. suddenly, need to work again.. starting on thursday. it's like so sudden.. sign contract on same day too.. and the working place is like so fucking far leh.. omg then need walk some distances.. i don't know how to walk.. lol.. suaaaa nevermind, on that day then see how.. haiz.. supposedly i should be happy de because got work means got salary, but i just worried for my face.. i scared flare up.. using back the flared-me-up sunscreen.. knowing it did harm to me yet i still use it.. no choice, too sudden i no time to buy a suitable product and do patch test.. sianzz.. i'm so scared T___T haiz.. don't want emo.. but just now already emo-ed for don't know how long.. been listening to the same sad music again and again and again.. with head on the table.. wish me luck man.. 3 months.. i don't even know if my face can tahan that long.. till next year T___T my face just flared up few days ago... kaozzz... really wish me luck man... face ting hua!!!

i don't know why i'm still thinking of that cb guy.. -.- every single minute can't stop thinking.. every single thing he does make me so.. -_- sianzzz...

I said i don't like him anymore, doesn't seem so leh.
I KNOW WHY, CUZ I ____ SO I CANNOT FORGET YOUUUU.
FUCK LA CBBBBBBBB CBBBBBBB.
SAY NO TIME TO LOOK FOR OTHER GIRLS, WANT BE FAIR TO ME YET STILL LOGIN TAGGED FOR WHATTTTT. -_- AND WHY AM I SO BLOODY JI DONG???? I HATE YOU TTMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!
YOU TAKE ME FOR GRANTED!!!

2011-10-22T14:07:00.003+08:00

If can, i want to leave Singapore and start my life anew.
Too many unhappy memories here.
Too many things i can't let go and forget.
Too many..

I'm too screwed up already..

-

2011-10-19T14:27:00.003+08:00

Listen to the lyrics.
Somehow i kinda am able to relate to this song.

Nothing much nowadays.. Sian as always. Stupid thoughts getting into my mind as always.. Trying to get rid of the thoughts as always.. Well.

I want to risk, even the outcome is undesirable..

Hais.

crazy

2011-10-15T12:38:00.003+08:00

Here comes the time whereby i feel SO SAD once again.. just feel like giving up.. just feel like crying, but i'm trying to hold back my tears; even now when i'm typing this out, tears are almost dropping out..

if you read my entries regularly, you could more or less guess what has made me so upset.

i just feel like giving up already.. i'm so tired, MENTALLY.. i think i'm going crazy soon.. real soon. every single day, i'm smiling as if nothing has happened, laughing like i'm truly laughing; it's torturous.

but i'm holding on for people whom are important to me. not many.. i can count with fingers, it's a few only.. but really, i'm very tired! fuck this. i'm so tired! this tired is not you go sleep and wake up, will feel energetic once again. This kind of tired, is no matter how long you've slept, you still feel so tired! This kind of tired, kills you slowly yet cruelly deep within. No one else will feel it, only you.

I'm feeling that right now..

Luckily i have no boyfriend, else it would be harder for me to.. :'(
I don't know, i just know i'm insane, i'm crazy.

That day i did the most unpredictable thing, was the day i truly gave up. 20 July 2011

Just kill me, i scared i can't control myself and go die.

this is a stupid post

2011-10-12T22:07:00.006+08:00

don't know what to blog.. so that explains why i didn't blog for quite some time..

let's see..

ok, i'm gonna blog what comes to my mind. it's gonna be boring.

-someone i knew for quite a long time(maybe a year already? i don't know) said wanna date me on marriage condition. LOL! >.< i thought he gave up already despite my attempts of rejecting him >_> and i rejected again! =D i might lose a guy who might truly like me.. but oh well, no feelings for you.

-didn't go out for how long.. since my birthday =.= i mean, officially go out. cause of you know, my extremely sensitive face. the sunscreen which was good for me is no longer good, it broke me out and made me flared up. so without a decent sunscreen, i'm not going out=.= prevents myself from having any flare ups again.

-people stressed me go work. f u c k you eh :) i won't say who, but it's more than one person =.=

-i'm feeling so lifeless. GOD SERIOUSLY. everyday, i woke up, washed face, had breakfast, watched tv a while, used comp, had lunch, back to comp, ate something, bathed, washed face, had dinner, watched tv, ate something again, sleep =.= (awesome!)

-trojan got into my lappie=.= i thought it's game over already but luckily! all thanks to my awesome avast anti virus. *phew*

what else... *thinking*

oh ya, sorry if i didn't reply to anyone's sms or messages or what. cuz.. i sibei moodless >.> moodless..

i wonder why people use tagged when it's so fucking boring. i also don't know why i visit the site =.= guys go there sure want hook girls, I'M VERY SURE. if not, why would guys add girls right?? i don't add people de, is all add me.. =.= for girls.. i don't know. aiyah why should i care! pui. i don't care!

things that i wanna say

2011-09-30T15:10:00.006+08:00

***This is gonna be an emo post. Don't read it if you don't want me to spoil your mood.***

Last night wanted to sleep early, but ended up sleeping at around 1am. Supposedly was 11.30pm, i dragged till 1am. I was talking to mum, in my room with the lights off. I were telling all the things that made me upset (the things that happened during primary/secondary school days.. including the things that happened recently) Did get emotional after saying it.. but i didn't cry, was trying hard to control my tears (though a few drops of tears came out but i managed to prevent a gush of tears from flowing out)

Though i mentioned previously i was happy on my birthday, it was on the surface. In actual fact, i was not happy at all. In fact, i felt damn disappointed. Cannot say too much on why.. it is supposed to be private matter. All i can say is, who cares about me, i can feel it. I don't need to see it with my own eyes. But on that day, you let me see it with my very own eyes. Actions speak louder than words.. you know. Just felt so upset, felt like crying.. but i didn't, been holding back my tears as usual. Guess, my heart just died. For real... i really feel so tired, mentally and emotionally.

It was yesterday that i had stupid thoughts again (not dying). It is some other thing, you will know it soon enough.

Memories flashed back too. Hahaha it hurts.. If i can choose, i will choose to erase all my memories and start anew. It's impossible to start all over with all these memories haunting me.

A lot people don't understand me, don't say i lazy cause i'm not. What do you know about me? Don't come scold me stupid. But, so what if i'm really stupid? Knowing something is wrong yet still continue with it. What do you know. Have you ever felt so tired cause of something and wanna give up every single thing but you can't because you're still holding on for someone dear to you? What do you really know.. Put yourself in my shoes before you come and judge me.

I don't know.. i just feel that i've drifted from everyone. I.. just want to shut myself out from everyone. Maybe i will.. i'm slowly doing it. First, i shall shut myself from tagged, then facebook and finally, SMS. Eventually i will be totally shut out. It's all the little things jumbled together that can totally kill you at one go. I've been trying and trying to hold on, but things just keep crashing onto me. What do you really know.. you don't know anything. You think i like the way i'm now? I don't! But can i control it? I can't.

I only can have myself blame for everything. I'm the cause of it. And thats why i shall perish with it (not die okay) Make the good side of me perish and let the other side come out.

ღ 270911 1930-2130 ღ

2011-09-28T20:01:00.003+08:00

27 September 2011, 1930-2130. Happy ~

And lol, i got the most obscene present ever!! Not included in the pic.. haha and i'm not going to say what it is since it is so obscene :D..? LOL i don't know if i should laugh or what, it's so fucking LOL LOL LOL =.= I guess, i won't forget this present ever!!

Finally 20

2011-09-27T13:52:00.006+08:00

Happy Birthday to myself! Lols! Hahaha finally 20 :D I've successfully lived on this Earth for 20 years =)) My wish is ___ (it's a secret) :D Thanks to those who've wished me.. :) Thanks to ying ying for the birthday post on your blog:)) i'm fortunate to know you as my best friend ^^ So.. nothing special until now la, lol still stucked at home for the time being. Going out later in the evening.. with my cui face LOL! ><" Nevermind, i just put my head down can le! Hahahaha. Sorry Ying Ying for not able to go out with you on last Saturday for my advance birthday celebration ><" Will go out with you next time round okie :)

Okay, i just realized today is also google's birthday! 13th birthday =) Awesome ahaha. I love google, you also have the same birthday as me :D

Alrights, will update again soon :D IF there's any thing i can update about for today's birthday ^^

Me

2011-09-22T12:13:00.005+08:00

In secondary school classmates and friends around me labeled me as emo girl. Maybe it's because i always all alone and don't really talk much. I still remember during my break time, after i had my breakfast etc, i would return back to class and would quietly sit down on my seat and lay my head on the table. Got a guy classmate said this when he saw me "Layleng, don't emo leh!" Lol. Not really emo, it's just that i was quiet and don't wanna talk so much, i wanted to be alone.

In my poly days, i was about the same as when i was in secondary school. But maybe a bit different, at least i would joke around sometimes. But, was still very quiet. And of course, don't have a lot of friends, but am glad i met some awesome friends. During attachment, i was like the most quiet girl out of the 7students. Lol. People asked me why i was so quiet, i just smiled at them. I don't know why either.

And when i started to work officially for the first time, though it was only a mere 3 weeks, colleagues (or at least the people around me) didn't use the word 'quiet' to describe me :) Even though sometimes i was quiet and would rather be alone.. 'Humorous, Cheerful' are some of the words they used to describe me. But, deep inside, i'm not really that cheerful, ya know. I can't be so cheerful when things seem to be going against me all the time.

I just.. lost faith in everything already. I lost faith in relationship during last year. Now, i lost faith in.. that my condition would be controlled. I'm so tired already. Hanging on.. has never felt so tiring before. Want to cry, but no shoulder to lean on. Want to force myself to smile, but it's so.. hard. What can i do.

I've been defeated again, by you.
If you do not know what exactly happened, hereby i shall announced that my face officially flared without me irritating it. So, it's what they said 'stop your medication and it shall come back twice as worse than previously'. :)

If you were to see me now, my face is :| no smiles, no nothing. Haha. And ohya, deleted a blog, because apparently someone doesn't go there at all, so no point keeping it and the purpose of having the blog in the first place.. was no longer there. Everything changed, you changed, i changed too.

Fucked up.

2011-09-20T15:05:00.007+08:00

I feel so stressed. Finding jobs is making me stress.. why is it so hard to find a decent one? The ones that look fine, all are so far away. Many stops i don't mind, but why is it soooo far away from the mrt?

Face is making me stressed. It's coming back. My Acne Rosacea is coming back. I can see it (the symptoms) getting more obvious with each passing day. I know it. Having it for 1yr+, i know how it looks like when it comes back. They are right. They said stopping the medication will lead to this. I didn't believe at first, now i do What to do?? Just sit down here and see my face get worse with each passing day? NO WAY. I gonna do something about this... But i don't know do what! Going back to doctor ain't a solution, he just gonna give me the medications again!! No!! AND I FUCKING CAN'T GO TO A DOCTOR WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION. WHAT THE FUCK??? I'm so lost... stressed up.... i'm... tired... someone help me please? tell me what to do! I have no one to help me... Maybe i should just explore the face products and just hope that it works and not... you know.

Once again i feel that life is so fucked up, so bloody meaningless. I kept on holding on, but why do things keep happening to me??? I'm not asking it to FULLY recover, i know it won't. ALL I ASK FOR is to control it. Why it keeps coming back...

Seems like i can't enjoy my 20th birthday this year. Fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything and everywhere. I should just go fuck-.-

细心

2011-09-18T20:14:00.002+08:00

Was chatting with mum, then i realized that the most important aspect in a person would be whether he/she is 细心 or not. Why suddenly talked about that? Well, my mum is one such good example. She never fail to take super good care of me. Knowing that my face is sensitive to the lights, everytime when we went out to eat at coffeeshop, she would always find a nice place to sit so as to avoid the lights as much as possible. Not just that, in all the things that she does, she always do till very careful. So 细心... I wish if my future bf is the same as her, i would be more than happy.

I still remember one time when we were at the park, you went to find a place there's without too much lights for me, knowing i hate lights lol. You held onto me when we crossed the road. It was a very sunny day, instead of letting me walk under the hot sun, you hailed a taxi for me. Maybe it's those that seem to be little things that attracted me to you.. But that was in the past ba. I'm just.. recollecting memories..

You are a guy who i should not fall for, 'cuz it's impossible between us.

I love a guy who is 细心 in the things that he does..

dont say others when you're not any better yourself

2011-09-17T10:51:00.008+08:00

I know only Ying Ying reads my blog and no one else probably. But nevermind, i shall still continue to post, till the day i got tired of it and delete my blog.

So as the title says, i'm going to rant about one thing that got me so pissed that i cried.
It happened last night. There was this damn cb guy who said i ugly when i posted a new pic on fb. He was from tagged, knew him for months i think. He posted a comment on my wall and i saw it after 2minutes. I was so angry that i scolded him and before he could even has the chance to reply back, i deleted the wall post and also removed him from my friends' list. Ya, i know i'm not good looking, so what? You're not any better i tell you. Don't come kp me, i spare no mercy. Don't think you're a guy and i'm a girl i will be scared of you. This is not the fucking first time you criticized my looks already. Don't let me see you outside.. i won't let you off.

Ya, so i also removed the pic (which i don't think is ugly anyways) Fine, i shall not post my pic anymore and instead i will post cartoons/animes/words etc as my display picture instead.

Damn.. this ranting is not enough to make me feel better. I just feel like killing him. You would wonder why i got so angry? IS BECAUSE THIS CB GUY CRITICIZING ME REMINDED ME HOW I WAS BULLIED BY OTHERS YEARS AGO BECAUSE OF LOOKS TOO. At that time, i was useless and too quiet to even defend myself, i had no choice but to suffer silently. Now? I'm no longer the same. I'm not the quiet and useless girl whom i was used to be. At home, i'm safe and there will be my family to protect me, my mum and bro will protect me. Outside, i only have myself. I can't count on anyone, there's only me. SO I WON'T LET PEOPLE BULLY ME, BE IT VERBALLY OR WHAT. I WON'T TOLERATE ALL THESE FUCKING SHITS. YOU WANNA TEST ME, COME LAH AND YOU SHALL DIE TERRIBLY. My life is just freaking meaningless and worthless, so it's alright if i just kill someone who tries to be funny with me. :) There's a limit to my patience, you see me looking so guai so quiet and harmless, but you don't know the real me that's hidden within. I have never show anyone the bad side of me, you want to be the first, i don't mind.

PaintJoy

2011-09-14T14:04:00.008+08:00

So yesterday i downloaded this app called PaintJoy. What it actually does is to let the user draw and paint on a canvas with different types of brushes, brush colors. There are around 10 different types of brushes, i personally like the Neon, Rainbow and Gradient Line the best :)

Random images that i have drawn (i know i'm lack of creativity when it comes to thinking of things to write/draw) :

The Neon effect

Rainbow effect

Gradient Line

That's all~ I know i'm too bored to even blog about such things :)

Wish you were here.

2011-09-13T21:35:00.002+08:00

SK Jewellery

2011-09-12T21:59:00.004+08:00

Today went to Causeway Point to buy Grandma's present. It was a last minute decision though. I was asked to buy it by someone. Her birthday is tomorrow. Bought this Pearl Earrings from SK Jewellery. Not cheap, 199$, no discount!

Last day of work at RP

2011-09-10T14:08:00.004+08:00

Yesterday marked the last day of my working day at RP Well, finally!! Hahaha, i'm free once again =) Holidaysss!! But but, i won't be slacking for long, i shall rest awhile before i start looking for jobs again! Despite saying this, i DID start looking for jobs already... Hmm.

Colleagues gave me a little present and a card before i left. The card is filled with wishes and thank yous messages. Sweet. Thanks guys :) I didn't expect a gift or anything because it's only a mere 3 weeks.. so it was really unexpected but then again, thanks anyways. :) Thank you to everyone in the OIC Department~ :D

The card.

So... Did i learn anything during these 3 weeks? I guess yes ba. Let's see...

-Know how to use scanner (LOL)
-Learnt phone communication (i hate to speak in English, seriously)
-Data entry (okay, this one i did not learn anything. Just have to very careful when keying in the details)

That's all i guess. I did commit some mistakes when i was doing my work, when i was scanning documents. I'm not going to elaborate on this, but i learnt to be extra careful when doing this kinda things. Have to be soooo careful if not what you did earlier have to redo all over again. Nothing much to elaborate because there really isn't anything much for me to elaborate too.. Haha. Hope the next job i have is IT related =) I bet i can learn much more!! :)

Let's end this post with a 'LOL' picture i took at The Sims Social

Why is there 2 me?? LOL DID I HAVE A SPLIT PERSONALITY??!! LOLS!!

Till then, i shall update again if there's anything to update :)

1week of work

2011-08-29T23:12:00.008+08:00

So as the title says, i have been working for 1week already. Yeah, how time flies and soon i gonna be jobless again! Just a little more than a week left, after that i shall continue on my job hunt once again.

Cannot really say i have gained anything from this job.. because it's really a very simple job.. but i guess, i just wanna have a feel of how it feels like to be working. And the pay is quite good too, so why not?

I'm not going to talk much about the work itself since it kinda bores me out.. well. On a happy note, tomorrow is holiday! Happy :)

Okay i realized my post is always so wordy so let me put some pictures okay?

1) My temporary RP staff pass. Now i have the pass with my pic and details on it, but i'm lazy to take pic so too bad!

2) My fujitsu laptop! Just got it today:) Like finally! Can surf web and play game!

3) My desk :)

4) The forms i have scanned. Still got more.

5) The view outside from my desk.

Okays, that's all. Putting pictures is so tiring and troublesome lol.

updates

2011-08-21T15:18:00.007+08:00

-(19/08/2011) Friday night had dinner with ying ying ^^ it was a happy one :) Always enjoy my day with her (: thanks~ after dinner, went to cityhall to walk walk :D Homed at around 9.15pm. On the way home, saw 2 lesbians, holding hands. Geez. Took a photo of them (lol). The picture is fucking hilarious, we were laughing like siao. Both of them were looking at us.. must be talking about us but never mind, we did the same too.

-Recently has been getting chest pain (left side). Especially yesterday, the pain is so omg, lasted for around 15mins.. or more. x.x Ahhhh what's happening x.x Never mind, don't care if it's whatever heart pain or what lol.

-Sometimes, i find it hard to breathe. -.- Why oh why

-Didn't sleep well, managed to sleep at 11pm+, like finally. These past weeks had been sleeping at 12+ - 2am. Damn late. But, i still feel so tired..

-Been thinking.. This time is of another person, just felt so sad. What's done is done, so be it. I shouldn't even do it in the first place. Now, i'm dangling in the air, feel like i've been played and ignored(: Don't come find me when you want to play, fuck off. I really hate being neglected. I will feel so insecure. Seems like it would be better if i'm alone.

-I want to quit tagged. For real this time.. but i don't wanna cancel my account, for the sake of my pets' high value ): feel like passing my account to someone, whom i can trust, just keep the account and change the password so i won't be using it anymore.

-Hair is still dropping like crazy.. Oh 'nice'.

-Ate wrong thing i guess, had fishball noodle for lunch. And soon after, went to lao sai. Now stomach pain.. grr.

tomorrow

2011-08-18T21:38:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow is the day. Whether i will become happy or emo (suicidal) depends on it. I don't know, deep inside my heart i'm crying for help. It's damn sad when you have to act as if nothing has happened and smile like you used to. I'm doing that in front of mum, i know if i look sad, she will feel sad too. Do you know, i'm struggling. *praying hard that happen bad will happen*

If something happens (CHOY), i might mia le.

So, i'll be praying hard.
>.<

2011-08-15T21:00:00.001+08:00

6 days le.. i'm so dead.

sad?

2011-08-13T21:06:00.008+08:00

last night i cried myself to sleep. should be a happy day cause i met rk. ~~as usual, he would always hug me><~~ it feels wrong to hug a guy friend o.o er.. never mind.. i don't know why, i felt very sad. the bus trip alone was so.. lonely. smsed people so i won't feel lonely, but it didn't help much.. at that moment of time, i was hoping someone is beside me, so i can lie on his shoulder and sleep.. i just want to rest.

been thinking a lot, especially last night. fell asleep at 1am++. while thinking, was tearing at the same time too. so so sad

maybe i really shouldn't meet rk anymore. it's so wrong.

maybe i should tell you the truth, one day.

i guess i have came to a point whereby i mean nothing to anyone anymore. all thanks to me.

sorry for the pessimistic post, can't help it. don't like it? fuck off lo.

you destroyed me

2011-07-31T14:33:00.004+08:00

so as the title says.
don't want to elaborate.

last night chatted with JH.
he didn't know my real identity. don't ask why.
we just chatted.
he was telling me all his past relationships.
there came a point when he talked about me.

it's weird, when your ex talked about the past with you,
not knowing you are actually his ex.

he said wanna make up to me.
bring me to movies, dinner, shopping, movies.
(no point, like seriously..)

got a little emotional,
teared.
just felt sad.
cause i remembered the past.

and also i was thinking of RK.
he this dumb guy, i hope he perish.
==
i'm serious.

slept damn late.

k bye.

???

2011-07-23T15:59:00.003+08:00

Cried myself to sleep last night. Woke up with puffy eyes. Sigh. Something doesn't feel right. I feel bad. Ahh i don't know what i'm doing.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
had fun playing monopoly deals with bro and his gf :D
this is different from the rolling dice type, hehe so fun!
i love the purple card (which i forgot the name) and 'i say no!' card LOL.
got twice bro wanted to take my property card with the steal card (he already took away my card, lol my reaction slow. after a few secs i said 'eh wait, i say no!' LOL) ahahaha! prevented him from forming a set, he was like 'ahhh..' LOL we all laughed! hehehe. so funnnn ahhhhhh!!!!

happy day with you

2011-07-21T13:48:00.003+08:00

yesterday went to meet a friend (ta finally came back on tues~ ta wanted to meet me on wed so i agreed~) reached at 8pm, supposedly 7.30pm but i was so late LOL. ta de room is messy lol. ta quickly tidied up the room :D we watched cartoon. LOL. cat and mouse (eh, is tom and jerry) ta keep said cat and mouse. so cute. LOL. the cartoon so funny ahahahah laughed die us XD wah, it has been 9876544179910101 years since i watched cartoon LOL! HAHAHHA. i'm addicted to T&J, today i watched a few on youtube. XD while watching, we chatted ahahaha so fun :X then.. blah blah lazy continue =D went home at 10.20pm~ kinda sad when i had to go x.x aww. ta pei me crossed the road then i said i can walk on my own le~ time passed so fast, next time i must reach earlier!! Must must must!

I HATE YOU

2011-07-17T13:48:00.003+08:00

i hate you so much, wish i can kill you! grrr... fuck. people failed interview and can't get the damn job so what? keep say me... ask me go work at macdonald.. sweep floor.. zzzz you pro you go lah. cbcb. fuck laaaaa. test my patience huh? if you're not my so-called d a d, i would seriously kill you.

so happy, i said i hate you directly to you. yes. you forced me. i never love you, i forever will hate you.

thanks to you, made me keep shout and scream till my voice became like this.
fuck off la fucker.
i will make you regret i tell you.
you have no rights to control over me.

Links To Temptation

2011-07-15T20:48:00.002+08:00

Links To Temptation. Finished watching it on cable tv! Kinda like the drama:) I so envy JoJo for having met such a good guy like Wilson. He loves her sooo much till he can give up his licence as a barrister. >< Aww.. hais such a nice guy. So shuai too. ENVY MAX LAAAAA. He even kept her first sms to him in his phone sia. Hais. He sure loves her so much. They are married and happily together le, happy for them.

2 at one go

2011-07-14T15:17:00.005+08:00

***WARNING: THIS IS GONNA BE QUITE A WORDY LOST POST, DON'T READ IF YOU DON'T WANNA BE BORED TO DEATH BY ME. TYVM***

2 interviews in a day. Tiring Max. One at Jurong East, the other at Toa Payoh.

10.30am for the Jurong East one. It is at International Business Park. If you were to walk from the mrt station to the place, it would take roughly 10mins. I took a taxi instead because it was blazing hot and i was left with around 10mins to reach there. I scared will be late so.. say byebye to my $4 and hi to a taxi. LOL. The taxi driver bo manners, never say thanks. Stupid guy.

So blah blah blah the interview lasted around 15mins? I think so, i didn't take note of the time. The interviewer never ask much questions, except for around one? or two? That's it. Mostly she just briefed me on the job scope, what's supposed to be done and blah blah blah. Yawnz. All are related to IT stuffs.. etc. Cool i guess. The only thing i don't really fancy is the place is 10mins distance from mrt. I hate the sun, unless i am willing to spend $4 back and forth every day.. hmm.

So after that i went to rest and eat and rest and eat at AMK. Okay lah. I first had my lunchie at AMK Hub. Been a while since i went there, missed the place and the food. Bought sliced fish mi fen yay. And Ice Kachang :D My whole mouth was numb from the icyness. LOL.

*Forgot to mention that i took taxi back to Jurong East Mrt Station LOL. 'Cuz it was such a hot and sunny day.. don't want to walk under the sun (even though i've got umbrella. still not much use.) So yeah. Byebye to my another $4 again. Total $8 woots. Enough to buy another bottle of my cleanser already, still will get back some change. The taxi driver is better this time. The first thing i heard from him when i got into it was 'Do you have change? Don't give me big amounts again' LOL. I said got, asked him the previous passengers gave him big change uh? LOL. He said every one gave him $50 dollars lol.. hahaha i said how good would it be if they say 'keep the change'. LOL then he was like laughing.. and said it would be good lor if like that ahahahahaha. Then my turn to laugh. We chatted lah, keep chatting.. as if i very close to him LOL. I wonder if i could just shut up, keep talk -.-*

After that went to Novena, one stop after Toa Payoh. Walked walked walked, slacked slacked slacked, stoned stoned stoned. Stoned for hours because the interview was at 5.30. Don't ask me why i didn't go back home first (-.- you can roughly guess uh, since i'm so scared of the sun..) so i rather stoned outside. There was once i sat on the staircase (you know there is this staircase leading from novena square 2 to the mrt so yeah) i stoned there, a lot of people came to ask me for directions-.- I said i don't know lol cause i really don't know. Aiya keep disturb people, people want to rest okay -.- so stfu.

Ohya bought Shark Fins' Soup at $2.50 at Novena Square=D It was delicious though it is a fake one hahaha. But still nice lah, felt satisfied after eating it.

So.. i stoned until around 4.40pm and prepared myself for the next interview.. Yawn. I was fucking tired by then and i swear i can fall asleep anytime. Lalalalala.

Reached the destination before the stated time (5.30) so.. i went in anyway. The lights in there were so fucking cb okay. I was burning under the orangy lights GOD DAMN IT. SERIOUSLY. I FELT LIKE CRYING/DYING MAN. IT WAS INTOLERABLE.. burned till i felt pain on my face ZZZZZZZZZZZZz. I became damn pek cek already. The interviewer was fucking late and made me waited for like 15-20mins?-.- and while waiting i was burning and burning and burning. Fuck lah. So angry (i lost all mood for interview already). I think i screwed up the interview. Who cares. Pui. I think i did way better for the interview in the morning.

On the way home i was still pek cek-ing. So angry. Really angry lor. ZZZZZZ thinking about it now makes me angry again-.- I did apply sunscreen (surprise? i never test the product, no time for it. But it is the same brand as my cream so i trust it) Anyway the sunscreen is okay uh.. i should have reapplied it or something. I never bring lol argh.. >_> But i thought got applied shouldn't experience all these burning thingy but.. aiya whatever. Pek cek.

Lazy to continue.
Sorry to someone for saying such things. I think you know who you are. I don't know why i said such things also.. just feel damn.. i don't know.

2011-07-11T17:04:00.002+08:00

yesterday's wedding dinner was a disaster for my face LOL. It flared badly as much as i would expect. Mentally prepared for this already. Feel sad (of course) but what could i do? Give my face more time.. and by saying that, maybe i should stop finding jobs (nah not really.) Stop going out.. (argh) or maybe go buy a damn sunscreen or whatever to put on. I have one in mind le, maybe tonight or some day i shall go buy. Sooner or later i also have to put it de, even if my face totally recovers. I should start protecting my face already so sunscreen is a definite must.

Hmm. Sian. Sometimes i feel so tired of talking. Maybe i should stop blogging sometime soon.. I don't know i blog for what also.

today is a boring day

2011-07-08T22:02:00.002+08:00

went to causeway point today. it was a last minute decision. with mum-.- sian max. wanted to buy a dress to wear for sunday's stupid wedding dinner. BUT, tried it on and i realized it doesn't look good on me (CAUSE OF MY SIBEI CUI HAIR) -.- i swear, that i will do something about the damn cb hair next time-.- not rebond (since parents will kill me if i ever do it again) i will do something about it.. something.. let me think. but that's not so important right now, main thing is my face (please do keep recover and no flare ups i will be more than happy already, tyvm) i don't like to shop with mum, next time i shop on my own. there are a lot a lot a lot of things i want to buy, but.... hais. >< before my 20th birthday, i will make sure i change into a different girl, a bad one since being a good one also no use. =)

does my hair look like it's permed??? why so many people say it is??? wtf lor.. cb hate it-.- not i wanttttt de!!! hais suan le-.- cb max what a fucking shit life i'm living.

give me everything~

2011-07-07T20:32:00.003+08:00

"give me everything tonight, for all we know we might not make it tomorrow. Let's do it tonight~"

3 weeks huh. x_x

aww

2011-07-06T15:28:00.000+08:00

the eyes..
the smile..
omg..

feels so terrible

2011-07-05T14:35:00.004+08:00

First time rejected to go out with people made me feel so.. nan shou. >< don't know why i rejected.. too lazy ba. Tonight not meeting you, need wait for 3 weeks later. By then, i will be busy doing other things le.. i think i will start to find jobs le, don't care liao.. part time job. ><

i don't know what i am thinking...

Anyone wanna meet me before sunday (mati day cuz i will be attending wedding dinner.. will die due to the awesome lights)? tell me.. LOL

hot and cold

2011-07-02T15:43:00.001+08:00

hot and cold.. hao xin ku.

getting more and more sick of life.

2011-06-30T14:45:00.001+08:00

i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you i hate you

:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Saturday wanna go out with u de, now my face like this... tell me how......

feeling so down

2011-06-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

Down and dejected Face officially flared up. Congrats Layleng:) Now i no longer on medication, so prepare to die ba:) Lol. I thought after stopping medication, my face won't be as sensitive to lights, but i was WRONG. Orangy lights still can cause me to have flare ups, it kills. Right now, my mind is empty. I'm tired already. The worst has came and i don't know how and what to do. Coop myself at home again? When will this last? Coop myself at home forever? Don't go out forever? Hahahha totally impossible.

I'm getting siao already, don't force me... i can't control myself already. Typing this entry out makes me tear.

I guess, i should destroy myself already. Saturday is the day. It's destroy, not die okay.

love taeyang

2011-06-27T18:55:00.003+08:00

i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang i love taeyang

Just another day

2011-06-25T20:32:00.003+08:00

Love is...

[taken from dictionary.com]

–noun
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.

Haha. Okay i'm too free already so trying to think of some topics to talk about. Anyways, i don't know what love is. :) I thought i know what it is but i guess i was wrong :D Never mind, i don't care about it^^

So.. today is just another normal day for me i guess? Homed all day. The weather is hot man, i can sweat and feel myself burning even in the house, with the fan blowing behind me-.-

I hope i'm hallucinating? That my face's condition is not as good as before? It's getting dry, thinking of getting a lotion to apply BUT scared. Never mind, see how first. I don't know if i can trust this Physiogel AI Lotion.. it looks good. I saw someone posted a video on it saying how good it is on her very sensitive, red, itchy and dry skin. Damn tempted wtf. AHHHHHH I DON'T KNOW I DON'T KNOW...

Signing off.

hmm

2011-06-24T19:12:00.002+08:00

Okay, i decided to find part time jobs already. I prefer full time though, never mind. I don't want waste time already. D a d said it's okay for me to do sales part time o.o Sales lei, normally he doesn't let de but now O_O Okay lo, i see lor. Do sales need talk, i don't like to talk -shy- LOL. And need look presentable, i'm.. -_- HAHAHA see first lahhhhhhhh. I prefer admin part time:):)

Hmm.. stayed at home whole day today! I think i gained weight AGAIN. FUCKING SHIT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-.- Cannot slack le! If not i gain somemore...

Damn sian, a lot people ask me out. All i rejected >_> Please leh, don't keep ask LOL. Got girls and guys. Girls de hai hao LOL. What am i talking? That RK keep asked me out >_> Stop stop stopppppppppppppp! One day i will switch off my phone. LOL. Hais.

Well well, the MV for Enrique Igelsias's Dirty Dancer is out!! I love the MV. Pole dancing, i like! I want dance too!!! >:D But not wear till so.... like that. And the legs don't have to open so wide man-.-

Here's the vid. Pole dancers are so fucking hot hee.

I will pole dance one fine day=)

23 June 2011

2011-06-23T22:55:00.002+08:00

Today i've officially stopped my medication Good or bad? Both ba. Good thing is, my skin won't be even MORE sensitive due to the continuous usage of this med. Bad thing? Well, be careful of.. flare ups-.- CHOY CHOY CHOY! *keep touching wood*

But then, if the bad thing really comes true, *CHOY CHOY CHOY!!, touch wood again!* i have a so-called solution? I don't know, i never use that lotion before but if i really need to and have to, i will go buy it-.- $33.90 for around 200ml, not cheap leh okay-.- hope i don't need to turn to it-.- hope face stays guai guai pleaseeeeeeeee. prays

Went for doctor appointment today... blah blah i lazy continue god damn it LOL.

Hmm, after that went to novena de shopping centre.. what's that called? shemo square de? LOL. whatever, you understand can le. I was walking around and around and around, and smsing at the same time LOL.

After that i decided to go to CWP to shop. Nothing much lah, but it definitely looks nicer:) there're still a lot of unopened shops, hope they will be up soon so i can go see see LOL (that is, if i'm willing to get my ass out of the house and provided my face is ting hua okay)

Walked till.. what time? i don't remember LOL. Then mum and i went to eat at 515. Ordered sliced fish hor fun yay. Delicious:) I was eating damn fast LOL cuz toooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungry already. LOL x:

Home sweet home after that. It was 7+.

Boring post-.- but today is one of the RARE days i went out for so long. Yawn. Legs don't feel tired though, i'm still energetic.

Lol, think i'm too sensitive, everytime on train people would look at me-.- whatever, i xi guan le. Filter them out!

i hate u

2011-06-22T14:20:00.003+08:00

I more and more hate him. Don't know why he has to keep force me to do the things i don't want to do. Please, i'm 20 this year already, stop treating me like a kid and keep make decisions for me. I have been controlled by you for so many years already, just stop it already. You forced me take IT course, not letting me to choose the course i want (though i know there aren't any other many courses to choose from based on my fucked up results). You think it's so easy to find a job, especially when i fucking have no work experience, you think it's so easy? You think it's so easy to get shortlisted by the direct companies which you are applying to? Yeah, it's easy to be called up by those agencies, but definitely not the companies. You think i never try my best to find a damn fucking job? You think i like to slack at home every single day like this? You think i have nothing better to do? You think i don't mind spending the rest of my fucking life doing practically nothing? If you think it's a YES in every points that i have stated, then please fuck off. I won't even bother to talk to you anyway.

Yesterday, when you said if i continue slacking like this, even until 3 years later, i would still be JOBLESS. Thanks ar, THREE YEARS. THAT'S LIKE A DAMN FUCKING CB THING YOU HAVE SAID THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE SLAPPING YOU. Then you added some more that even if i got a job before 3 years, i would not last in that job. CB, fuck you lah. Suan me till like this, am i even your daughter or not? I seriously doubt you are my dad. Seriously, i'm truly disappointed that you said those words. I think, i won't even bother to talk to you anymore. You should at least encourage me, but you didn't. You even SUAN me till like that. Thank you so much, i officially hate you forever:) I tell you, it's easy for me to hate someone (who cares whether you are my d a d or not).

Fuck you. -.- Hate you, fuck offffffffffff! -.-
You will regret for those things you have said. I will stuff back those words of yours back into your mouth soon. You shall see.

P.S: Don't push me, keep pushing and don't blame me for turning bad. I find myself getting more and more bad.

things i want to do

2011-06-18T20:36:00.003+08:00

Things i want to do:

-Lose weight LOL (figure not as good as last time.. pui)
-Buy a new specs
-Cut hair? I think i want short hair.. I don't know ><
-Change the way i dress (Heh heh x:)

What else..? I shall think and update if there is any more.

Taeyang, <3 yay shuai max! I like this mv :D

interview alalala

2011-06-17T12:12:00.005+08:00

Finally got something to update :x

Yay went to Raffles Place like finally (after 1year and 1month) of not going there again after my attachment XD Went to UOB Plaza 1.. The building is soooo tall. When i took the lift to level 56, my ears hurt LOL (due to the pressure). Ah. But it was okay once i stepped out of the lift =D {Actually some dumb thing happened which i won't disclose here:P hee.} The people there were like so free (all are young people) there were like 5 of them (all girls except one guy) then i was given a form to fill up OH SO BORING. -.- I filled up very fasy HOHOHO, then i submitted it to the counter and wait. LALALA. THEN THERE CAME THIS GIRL. She hor, was looking at me when she first sat down opposite me-.- See what see, lol. I know i pretty huh, don't need look at me muahahaha. My mum said i chio in formal wear okay.;) And hor, i wore all black lor, sexy leh HAHAHA ok i shall stop it-.- HAHAHAHHA.

Waited for like 5 mins, then the agent came. She called my name LOL xia dao wo. After shaking hands and greetings, we went to a room for interview! It lasted for around 15mins or so. Yawns. I don't think i did really well for the interview.. cuz i was turning my chair when i sat down on it LOL. I FORGOT HAHAHA BUT THE CHAIR NICE TO TURN LE. WOO.

Boarded to Marina Bay, the last stop just for the sake of a seat LOL. THEN YOU KNOW WHAT, WHEN I SAT DOWN FOR ONLY ONE DAMN STOP, A PREGNANT LADY STOOD QUITE IN FRONT OF ME AND I HAD TO LET HER SIT. -.- SIGH. If i knew this would happen, i would not board to MB liao SIGH. SIGH SIGH. And in the end, my legs ached like fuck and my back hurts LOL sigh... sian... sigh sigh.. Never mind, next time when i'm pregnant jiu will have seat to sit liao LOLOLOL. OK WAIT FOR 10 YEARS BA. OR 20 YEARS. LOL pui no sex no baby no pregnant man AHAHAHA.-.-

End of post. My life is a boring one.

I really... hate my dad, he just can't stop asking me about finding jobs blah blah. HEY PLEASE, I'M FINDING OKAY, JUST WENT FOR INTERVIEW AND YOU JUST KEEP ASK. Don't stress me lah. Fuck this shit.

nervous x.x

2011-06-16T12:00:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling NEVROUS for the interview later in the evening T-T sigh, *slap myself* don't nervous! >< and LOL, it has been 21 days (3 weeks) since i officially stepped out of house lmao. >.>

shuai ges

2011-06-15T18:11:00.003+08:00

*Nose bled* Shuai dai le.. Every single one of them

2011-06-14T18:37:00.002+08:00

wa lao, missed call again.. i placed my phone in front of me for hrs and hrs yet it didn't ring even once. when i just stepped away for a while to take something, it rang and tada missed call.

ah fuck lah, i'm desperate for jobs lah. fuck fuck fuck -.-

seems like everyone is working except me -.- fucking noob de me.

2011-06-05T19:56:00.003+08:00

FW: Until 80 years old i still love u‏ just saw this unopened email in my inbox dated back to 2008 LOL. LOL LOL.. hahahaha hao rong xin he forwarded to 3 people and i'm the only girl LOL. but so long already, tsk >_> sotness.

2011-06-04T22:51:00.001+08:00

a.s.j.d.m.s.m.t.i.h.g.u.a

decode it if you're pro.

2011-06-04T15:43:00.002+08:00

Dad says i'm wasting my time, doing nothing right now. No work, no studies, no nothing. Ya, so what? I'm wasting my life away, so? You want me to study Accounting, which i fucking have no interest in studying AT ALL. Don't choose my study path man... you chose IT for me, what i have in the end? All IT-related jobs are so hard, their requirements are so high. I can't even apply for it.

I want to waste my life away till i die.. meaningless life anyway.
No future, it's all darkness.

olala

2011-05-31T18:43:00.004+08:00

My nick in the community and the community name are not disclosed to protect my identity LOL. So that i could blog freely in there~

Lol i was surprised i won o.o hahas XD
That time i was so bored, had nothing to do and saw this thingy, so decided to give it a try~ Hahaha i am so happy lol =DD *smiles*

2011-05-30T18:43:00.004+08:00

Okay, the chorus for Lemon Tree sang by me:) I sang a bit too fast though.. i was trying to sing all at one breath, cause if i stop, then the cat (Tom) will follow liao, i want him follow after i sing finish~

Getting too emotional today. It seems like i can cry too easily, without any reason. Hais. Nothing much to update.. my blog is too boring already.

tell me what to do

2011-05-29T18:20:00.003+08:00

should i buy some damn sunscreen so that i could use it when i go out?? i realized one thing, every time i go out (even when there's no sun) for awhile only, when i got back home, my face will turn a bit worse as compared to the condition before i went out. -_- i wonder if my skin has become so fucking sensitive till the point that it turns red so easily -_- will putting sunscreen affect the current condition? i got mentioned this to doctor before, as in asking him whether i could put sunblock, he said better not to put BUT if you want to put, choose sunscreen instead. AHHH i don't know.. the current cleanser i'm using is very mild, don't know if it will cleanse the skin with sunscreen well... AHHH wo hen fan right now ._. grr.

Pauly D ♥♥♥

2011-05-23T18:36:00.010+08:00

Pauly D My new love ♥ Shuai right? Aww i like him to the max ^_^ First saw him on Jersey Shores (i don't watch Jersey Shores for your information, i just accidentally chanced upon it one fine day) on MTV channel (channel 533) and i like him le.. too shuai la! His smile is oh my god.. sunshine smile!! AHHHH i'm totally attracted to sunshine smiles :D Love max. Besides his smile, another thing i noticed very quickly when i first saw him is his... HAIR! Damn thick wtf. Lols.. >_< Heard he spent 60 dollars every week just buying the gel for his hair! Omg lols. >_< 1 week 60 dollars, 1 month is 240 dollars? LOL rich sia.

Talking about Pauly D, he kinda reminds me of Jun Hao.. That guy is such a fucking irritating bastard. -_- Talking about him makes me blood boil. He made me so angry till i asked him to fuck himself LOL. Pui.

Ohya, the thing i hate about Jersey Shores?, is the actors/actresses there are all so open-minded.. go to party sure bring one partner home to make out -_- So that's why i don't like watch it.. Just chanced it okays LOL. I guai kia man... laughs

Sore throat is recovering.. regretted yesterday i didn't really keep take the lozenges.. or was it the day before? Cause i really don't like to keep depend on lozenges.. AND IN THE END, LAST NIGHT I WOKE UP AT 3.30am CAUSE OF THE DAMN SORE THROAT. ARGH. Angry lor... i was like so tired la.. then forced myself to wake up cause of the pain.. and popped one lozenge and back to sleep. ~.~ But i'm glad the pain kinda ceases.. gotta keep eating!! Till it fully recovers.. Now, i got dry cough. Yay. -_-

2 more days to graduation, kill me. LOL

pretty bracelet / sore throat -.-

2011-05-22T13:49:00.004+08:00

See the bracelet on the left? My Biao Jie bought for me in Hong Kong x) Chio max. Lols. I love it the first time i saw it~ It's a bit loose for me though (blame my super skinny wrist -.-) But never mind :) Talking about bracelets, i used to have another 2 which i bought for myself years ago. One is in dark blue.. there is a lot of 'layers'.. okay i don't think you will understand this but never mind, i suck at explaining things. That one is rusty already.. lols. Too loose for me to wear.. Last time it was just nice, but my wrist got smaller i guess.. =/ Another one is a skull-type. You know those skull faces? Yeah, awesome right. It is black. Damn cool BUT too loose also.. Argh. I forgot where i threw it, LOL. x_x Both are kinda ex though.. will find it next time (God knows when) and show it to you all.

So... i got sore throat (like finally, after so long?) I thought i am so pro till i cannot get sore throat but i was wrong! My throat pain like fuck.. Currently eating menthol lozenges.. that one costs $9.50. Ex man.. Kinda effective, if you start eating it the very first time you have sore throat.. Don't delay else it won't be as effective. Thanks to KPMG there de doctor.. she prescribed me this so that was how i found this.. Eh, why i keep writing compo nowadays? -.- Anyway, just hope the sore throat will get lost asap, -.- Cause of it i didn't sleep well last night, woke up at around 3.30am due to the pain -.- forced me to take one lozenge and went back to sleep after that.

3 more days to graduation. Ah.

dreams

2011-05-21T13:13:00.008+08:00

Last night had a very very hard time trying to fall asleep.. Argh. They say cannot think of things when you are sleeping, if not it would be impossible to sleep. True.. x_x I shouldn't have think about it, but as if i can control.

Anyways, dreamed of 2 different dreams.

#Dream 1: I took part in a soccer match. 1 against 1 match. The other opponent is a guy. I'm like the only girl took part. I remember i was kicking the ball here and there, trying to aim it at the goal net. And yeahhh i had no difficulty doing it and i won:) Took part in 4 matches, won 3. The one i lost.. i think i never concentrate, thats why i lost in the end. The prizes for the matches are.. balls. Football. Lols... All in different sizes, and patterns. The 3 balls i won are bigger than the ball i used to kick (my own football). So big lors.

#Dream 2: I was chatting happily with a handsome chinese guy (laughs) in a library. He is very very dark and he was wearing a white metal spects. Omg, he is so damn handsome. His smile is mesmerizing, i was looking at him all the way. I remember a topic we were chatting about, it was about his encounter with a ghost (zhen zi, you know the one wearing white and the hair very long, all covering the face one). Lol omg.. Then chatted for a while and i stood up to leave. While walking, i saw a girl, wearing spects and she was like looking at me and said 'You guys shouldn't have talked about the ghost thingy.' I asked why but she just smiled. It was weird. I just ignored her then and continued walking. Then.. suddenly i heard a sound (or something, i don't remember). I turned back, and saw nothing o.o The same girl said 'You shouldn't turn back... the ghost will find you.' O_O i was o_o. Kinda got scared a little bit.. but i just continued walking.. As i was walking, i saw a lot of kids, all like looking at me... Then, suddenly their faces changed (till very ugly). Out of the corner of my eye, i saw a ghost (that zhen zi), she was crawling slowly, looking at me. I was scared laa, i walked very fast, away from them... No matter where i walked, those faces were looking at me.. their faces were like squashed.. Ahhh... Then i screamed, that was when i woke up from my dream.

Okay i'm writing compo.. -_- But seriously lor, it was so scary okay... it was 6am when i woke up, i dared not sleep again. My eyes were opened big big, i played the songs on my phone to so called, er make the environment look not so scary.. cause it was dark and i was all alone T-T

End of story, i'm fucking bored now.

Ending with a song 'Smile' by Avril Lavigne~

Meow meow~

meow meow~

2011-05-20T19:11:00.005+08:00

Fiction.

Tomorrow is Saturday, it is weekends once again.. boring.

Eh, nowadays i keep 'meowing' lols. Too bored le. Mum said i 'sot' >_>
Meow meow~

I always got this feeling that people lie to me, in the words they say. I don't know why but i always feel this way.. maybe i lost the trust in people.. after times and times again got betrayed by people. I don't trust others, cause i can't even trust myself.

Lalala, nothing much to update... hmm.

i would love to go to the carpark rooftop once again... it always feel good to be alone under a dark sky

ahhhhh

2011-05-18T14:03:00.002+08:00

I trying not to think about my face BUT IT'S FUCKING BURNING ^&*()%$##@@!... argh i feel so HOT HOT HOT!... ahh damn *inserts infinity number of vulgarities here* T_____T Save meeeee... i really feel like taking a knife now and slice my face man. I'M SERIOUS... i wanna try those natural remedies i found on the web but i SCARED... i scared it will worsen.. and i also doubt my mum will let me try......

&&*()%$#@!~@#%&... so xin ku... *drops 2 tears*

All i wanted

2011-05-17T23:02:00.002+08:00

All i wanted, is to get back my once fair skin. That's all. Once i get it, i will be a very happy girl. Everytime i wish/pray, it's always all about my face. I feared for the coming of 25th this month, i feared i would get flare up AGAIN when i go to graduation on a hot and sunny day.. i am really so scared.. so scared.. cause i know if it happens AGAIN (i lost count of how many times i got flare ups), i would really go.. kill myself. I'm that weak, but seriously, it's too much right? The flare ups.. i didn't do anything and yet you just keep coming back..

Ying ying, must stay strong.. cause leng leng hui ai ni yi bei zi~ ♥ my BEST BEST friend=)

hurts?

2011-05-16T20:51:00.005+08:00

Drifted apart as days passed by. Until... becoming strangers.
~~It hurts..~~ but well.. i shall ignore this.

Exception post for today

2011-05-16T13:39:00.004+08:00

Thank you ying ying, you are always the best^^ ♥

Anyways, not going to post emo post today. But that doesn't mean i'm not emo, i just don't want all my blog posts to be so emo.. reading it makes me feel even more :(.

So, shall make an exception post for today.
Another day spent at home, i think i will continue look for jobs.. Those jobs i have applied for simply have no responses at all, so i assume they don't want me. Fine, i will look for others.

Last night, i asked my mum 'What if i become pai kai?'. She replied, 'So long you are happy, then go along with it.' I cannot believe my ears o_o. I think she's sick of seeing me so sian all day long.. So as long i have ways to make myself happy, she's okay with it. But well, i don't know lah. I will see how..

Chanced upon this nice song on Youtube. It's awesome..

:'(

2011-05-15T22:38:00.003+08:00

i feel like changing myself into a bad girl. (NOT DO BAD THINGS, JUST LOOK LIKE ONE BAD GIRL)
like, whats the point of looking like a guai kia when god seems to keep playing tricks on you.. might as well become a pai kia.
put make-up, dye hair etc.. change myself totally. till i don't know who i am anymore.
should i?
can i?

there are so many things i want to say.. who will listen?

seriously had enough with flare ups again and again.
it really makes me feel like DYING.
maybe, i would perish before graduation day, or maybe after.
i will do that when i have seriously gone insane.
right now, i'm like 75% insane. 25% more to go.
one would think, hold on for your loved ones.
but the thing is, i have no more strength.
the love i felt from them, can no longer hold me down.
it's not enough..

there are so many things i want to do, but, i can't right now...
i feel so so so empty, sad and lonely...

i give up.

2011-05-12T15:52:00.000+08:00

face is going crazy AGAIN...?

i seriously don't know what the hell is wrong man...

i guess God is trying to make fun of me.

i'm tired already, very tired.

right now, i'm not thinking straight..

bad thoughts are surfacing.. i can't fight them away.

i'm defeated once again.

i don't wanna cry again,

i don't wanna complain again,

i... give up.

sayonara.

Late at night, you came along...

2011-05-11T14:00:00.005+08:00

Who will be there when i...

Another hot day. Later gonna go out to collect my graduation attire. Feel so lazy, so reluctant to go BUT no choice.. sigh. I just scared of the sun :'(

Last night, he smsed me. I was surprised, of course. Didn't feel happy cause he was so fucking irritating, kept mentioned about the past, said how much he loves me and really regretted for hurting me. I was thinking, too late already, if you treated me better last time, we wouldn't end up in this state. You, my first boyfriend.. hurt me the most? Treated me like an ATM, some more.. Argh, i don't wanna continue. You should fuck off like seriously, why come tell me how much you regretted? It was already so long ago, just fuck off from my life. And, don't act as if you are very close to me. Tyvm.

I don't even know why i'm replying him. Guess, i was feeling lonely? Just wanted someone to sms with me.. My phone is too quiet nowadays. But i guess i should and have to get used to it. And all thanks to him, i slept at 12am+, stupid.

Sorry people for still not replying to the tags.. will reply soon.. it's not being lazy okay, if i'm lazy i won't even blog. it's just.. i'm trying to find back the 'Haha' me.. then i can happily reply all the tags. It has been quite a few days (maybe even a week) since i last 'Haha'. I guess, no one notices.

10 May 2011

2011-05-10T18:51:00.006+08:00

Just feel like listening to a sad song.
While listening, i can't help to sing along with it. Such a nice song<3

Read one of my ex's blog. He wrote one whole chunk of entries just to record down all the days/events he spent with her.
Frankly speaking, the girl is so lucky, just reading his entry shows how MUCH he loves her.. Well, not my business.

Happy Happy Birthday to my dearest Ying Ying ^^

-

2011-05-06T21:00:00.003+08:00

The importance of our liver

If i keep on eating my antibiotics, one day my liver will fail too ba... by then, i will "boom" (disappear) liaos.

:}

>:

2011-05-05T16:17:00.005+08:00

Broken.

That's why i love to listen to songs.. they never fail to accompany you when you're lonely, when no one else seems to keep you company..

i can live without hp, but not without my laptop.. :'(

i have nothing to say.

2011-05-03T18:17:00.004+08:00

Before you start saying 'why are you always so emo?', 'you are always so pessimistic', put yourself in my shoes first. If you are suffering the same fate as me, then you are very welcome to come and scold me, scold till i wake up from this emo me. If not, you won't understand how i feel, you won't. Appearance is so important to someone, it is even more important for a GIRL. Tell me, how to cheer up?

I seriously don't know what the fuck is wrong. IT CAME BACK A SECOND TIME WHILE I'M ON THE DAMN VERGE OF RECOVERING. I didn't even do anything to my face for God's sake... Everyday i take my med ON TIME. What's wrong? What did i even do wrong? I didn't expose myself to the god damn sun.. What the fuck is wrong??????????? Why why why you keep coming back!! Damn.

It has been one whole damn year already, i've been fighting this fucked up thing for one fucking year already. Not long enough?

MY HAIR IS GOING CRAZY TOO... FUCK.

No one understands how i feel... To hell with all the cheer ups..
I'm feeling so fucked up.

Dying? Nah.. ignore the title.

2011-05-02T18:38:00.004+08:00

Face feels hot, body feels hot, hands and legs feel cold..
i'm in the freezing and burning mode at the same time.. :'(

What's happening?
Is the medicine side effects again?
What's happening??
My face is not improving.. and i feel more tired as each day passed..

Mum asked me whether i want to stop my medicine,
I said 'no'..
I can't stop, if i stop, the bacteria will come back again and it would be even harder to treat the next time round..
God... :'(

So cold.. and hot.. :'(
I just need someone by my side now.. ):

Away for awhile..?

2011-04-30T22:00:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling very... sad.
Don't ask me why, cuz i don't wanna think about it anymore.. makes me feel so stressed up.
i won't be replying tags or blog until i feel better.. >< Sorry.
I just need.. a breather. *off to emo land* :)

Inconsiderate HUMANS.

2011-04-30T13:41:00.003+08:00

i feel that i have to blog this out, cause i feel so darn angry about it.

Here's what happened. Yesterday, when i was on the escalator, got 2 damn idiots blocked people's way. (i was on the going up escalator by the way) By the word blocked, i mean the idiots stood on the top of the escalator (you know, when you have reached a certain point at the escalator, you will move right) AHHH pardon my damn English, the sentence seems somewhat weird.. =(

Anyways, so the 2 idiots STOPPED AND NEVER MOVE. I was right behind them, luckily i reacted fast, if not i will fall down -.- It was like, they were blocking the god damn way man! Can't they just bloody hell move? They think they own the damn escalator eh? There were so many of us behind them, and they were so inconsiderate! Where got people suddenly stopped and blocked people's way de? ZZZ. AHHHHH I HATE YOU!

28 April

2011-04-28T17:28:00.002+08:00

Hohoho, all black for today's doc appointment :D

It was such a scorching day. I was sweating like hell just by walking from my house to woodlands MRT station. I hate sweating, makes me feel so uncomfortable! ): As usual, my hair was in a total mess *cheers, i simply couldn't be bothered about it. Wait till my hair gets longer, i shall trim it and be more neat. Slowly wait uh... :) My mum said my hair grew long very fast, i looked at the mirror, it still looks like the same to me. LOL. Got longer meh? Hahaha.

Anyways, today doc gave me yet another 8 weeks of med. HOORAY. That's like 2 months... -_- Nice, i 'like'! like real hahahas.

Thinking about food...

2011-04-26T13:45:00.008+08:00

Nowadays i have been having cravings for DELICIOUS FOOD! Argh. And by the word delicious i actually mean those fast food, such as Kfc, Macdonalds etc. LOLS. It has been ages since i ate all those :'(

Last night i regretted for checking out Xiaxue's blog... cause her latest post was ALL ABOUT PIZZA HUT!!!! All the new recipes! The pictures really made me drooled.. Omg lah! All look so awesome can!

One of my favorite among all the pictures is this:

HUT'S CHICKEN STEAK!!!!!
It looks so delicious lah... *ahhh*

Awesome people = awesome day=)

2011-04-24T17:01:00.003+08:00

Yesterday had an awesome day with Gina and the other peeps:) First time met up with them but they are awesomely friendly!:D heehees. Girls are pretty, guys are handsome:) There were a lot of them.. but i only remember the names of like, 4 of them? Ahh, damn my poor memory.. I only remember Candy, Edwin, Samuel, Angeline.. the rest i really forgot -_- too many to remember.. lols.. Like 10+ of them? 0.o Hahahas. All speak English.. and their English is like so fluent? Unlike me.. *cough* ahem ahem XD hahas..

and and, today there will be Star Awards!! Awesome, simply awesome!=) Gogo Jeanette Aw,Qi Yuwu & Elvin Ng!! <:

Ahh.. will reply the tags later=)

TM // i love her

2011-04-21T22:03:00.004+08:00

I love her, she rocks.
Isn't she damn pretty? How i wish i could be like her.

here we go again

2011-04-20T14:26:00.003+08:00

First thing in the morning, someone pissed me off. I was so effing angry to the point i SCREAMED and SHOUTED. Ahhh. My voice. Damn stupid, really stop pissing me off early in the morning okay? -.- {see how considerate i am by using 'someone' instead of typing down who the actual person is :P}

Nevermind, not the first time anyway.

Ooh, today it actually rained! Love the cold cold feeling:) But now the rain has stopped, hmm.

Looked through the online jobs websites as usual, no good findings today.

Feel like going out today, but... i don't know. Damn sian.

This emo side of me is coming back again.

2011-04-19T22:35:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling damn sad right now. I don't know why? Maybe i have reached the stage in life whereby i started to lose interest in every single thing and i no longer know how to carry on living? That is very sad. I started to think things like "What am i living for?", "What do i want to do next?", "I'm definitely not happy, but what can i do?". Have to admit, i hate my life, to the max.. to the point of giving up. Damn emo, no words could console me. Been so long since i have been so emo yeah? I can't help it, i can't control it, i'm sorry.

Hate me if you have to, this emo side of me will stay (at least for now)
I'm feeling so darn... lonely and helpless.

1, 2, 3, "Hahaha"

2011-04-18T14:16:00.006+08:00

Today i don't like doing anything. I just wanna lay in my bed.

You guys should really go watch this new MV by Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song. I think the MV is cute hahahas! Made me laugh and smile:) Hehes. I love them!!:D

Kinda tired today, woke up around 4plus cause dad wants to kill a cockroach that came into the bedroom, he switched on the lights and i woke up. The lights made my eyes... pain. After that i had a really hard time trying to sleep. For your information, the cockroach is nowhere to be found, -_- i have scarified my dear sleep. ): Sad! My eyes now are like those pandas, not kidding. Damn.

Not in a good mood today, not only cause of lack of sleep but also cause of other things. Shall not list them out.

Not a single decent movie to watch nowadays... I'm feeling so bored!

And it goes down down down down~

2011-04-17T14:25:00.002+08:00

Looking forward to 7pm! Why? Because there is Star Awards 2011 on channel 8!! Yeah!! :D

It's Raining

2011-04-15T17:30:00.005+08:00

It's Raining Again!

Let's hear a song that has to do with rain shall we?:P
Introducing you... It's Raining by Rain!
It's a Live MV :D
(Though the song is kinda outdated but it's still an awesome song:))

it's another boring day

2011-04-13T14:46:00.007+08:00

Did the above image randomly yesterday. Was too bored hahaha. In case you are wondering what software i used (is software the right word? oh well), it is GIMP 2.6 :) I don't have photoshop, noob i know XD So yesterday I re-download and installed it again XD Suddenly had the urge to use it again LOL. Last time i didn't really make good use of it and i eventually unistalled it due to lack of space on my laptop. Now then i realized it is actually quite nice to use! Didn't realize it until now hahaha.

Okay, i don't know what else to update... Cause my life is too freaking boring already > wake up > brush teeth > breakfast > take my med > bathe > dry hair > play "My Shops" awhile > lunchie > fb-ing > tv > dinner > tv > fb > Sleep. LOL. OKAY THAT'S HOW BORING MY LIFE IS >:D

Ahh, pathetic life.

Oh yea, i did the below image too! :D Fire effects, woots :D

It's sucky i know. I am still learning! :>

It's sunday~

2011-04-10T15:08:00.006+08:00

It's another boring Sunday. I'm sitting in front of laptop, yawning away. Submitted my job application to CPF. Hope i don't get it. LOL~ Because, i don't really fancy the job. Hmm, but i really loathe it when i keep slacking at home all day long. So, just trying my luck and see if they will choose me XD

Hohoho, as you can see, i changed blogskin again! LOL. Well, the first time i saw this blogskin, fell in love with it >< So.. hahahaha XD I'm too free la, oh my god >_> Tomorrow is another boring day. The day after also and so on. Oh no ~_~