had weird dreams last night. i suddenly dreamt of one of my sec sch friend. i dreamnt that i'm working in the same company as her...o.o..weird.. i also dreamt of me sms-ing using my phone..gah. what the hell is my dream..i even dreamt that my phone vibrated cuz of new msgs and initially i thought it is real, so i actually woke up and checked, dont have de..what the hell is my dream about.?! stupid la.. this thing i also dream...shyt, my english sounds so singlish..ahhh whatever.

dreamt of a lot of things..emo in real life makes u emo in dream too. saw myself emo-ing in my dream, and no one cares. :( yea no one. (in my dream)..haha pathetic hor, hahas..(:

yesterday before sleeping, suddenly felt damn giddy..felt as if i was going to faint any moment..dont know why i felt that way..is scary..the feeling..head pain like hell also...>< but now, feeling a little better..but the first thing i woke up till now, whole body feel so cold de..falling sick soon ba? haha...emo till going to fall sick, laugh die people..(xiao si ren)...

really dont have any mood to do anything...i just want to stop emoing..but i cant! im very sad! sadddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wanna drown myself in alcohol..if only parents let me drink alcohol at home..i sure i will buy a few bottles to drink..heck care the price la.. i just wanna numb myself so i will temporary stop emo-ing. temporary..

tired..feel like dying right now..now life is so fking meaningless to me..i dun wanna live anymore..so meaningless.....i dont wanna emo all day, so dying is the only option, the best option. so God or whoever please give me strength to kill myself..i still lack the god damn courage to hurt myself!!....

what the hell am i typing all this out...i dont know...i dont know!!!! AHHHHHHHHH.

do i have to put a fake smile on my face as always?..